Southend

The wives in their best bib and tuckers;
Men in suits, flat caps like their muckers.
I still have a copy of the 'official' photograph,
I look at it now and still have a laugh.

Photo taken, head count done, board the charabanc,
Police standing by, loved to have nicked the whole gang.
A box of sarnies on each of the couple of single-Decker bus;
Ladies, when they saw the many crates of beer, began to fuss.

Cackling of women, shouting at the men, could send you 'round the bend.
Where were we going? To the favorite stop of Londoners - Southend!
In fact, the full name of the resort was "Southend on the Sea";
Later, when we got there, I found the name a puzzle to me.

Oh! Yes it looked like the seaside when we first arrived.
All of the huts, ice cream, jellied eel, for which many dived.
Many opted for a trip on the paddle steamer as we arrived.
You know, the famous one of Dunkirk, that just survived.

Of course, it was a very great thrill; huge paddle, covering round,
To be on such a famous ship; to a museum anyway, still around!
Back to where we started, the men were all well oiled.
When I looked to see the sea, the trip for me was spoiled.

The sea had gone miles away; at least a tidy spell.
The beach, black, muddy, and my life, did it smell!
More whelks, jellied eels, some men feeling queer.
Something they'd eaten? Couldn't be that gallon of beer!

Fish and chips, wrapped in old newspaper;
Getting on the bus, what a caper!
Counting ten times got very wearing.
Drunks wives, crossed arms, glaring!

More sober ones tried numbers to tally.
Found the lot, onto the bus, there to rally.
Off we went, some heads were spinning,
Then all in the bus started the singing.

Even those who looked quite sick and pale
Put down themselves a lot more of the ale.
Stop! There's that bunch of trees we seek!
All men tumbled out to take a leak.

Ladies waited until the next nearest pub.
The men roused, more beer, that's lovely grub.
Again it took near half an hour; now too soon
To drag them from bar, the snug, even the saloon.

The two hour journey took four or more,
To pour out each by their front door.
Next time they took a trip down to the sea,
One thing was certain, you didn't see me!